There’s something everyone always tells you when life suddenly falls apart: that God wouldn’t deal you a hand you couldn’t handle. They explain that God hands you hardships to help you grow, to help direct you on the path that you’re meant to follow. They tell you that even though you are sad, hurt, angry or shocked, that it will all be okay.
It’ll all be okay, they say. And they tell you how to handle being sad, and hut, and angry. There are ways to deal with each of those emotions. But what no one really ever tells you is how to handle life when you basically can feel nothing. It’s not that you are not experiencing any emotions or feelings, it’s that you are feeling so much all at once that your body is overwhelmed and simply shuts down in response.
You become numb because you cannot handle it anymore. You just stop feeling because there seems no other choice. You lose any desire to scream, cry or fight, and silence becomes instinct and preferred.
There is no answer for this state of being, you are simply stuck. And this only happens when the rug of life is suddenly ripped from beneath you, and you come crashing down into darkness and despair. This only happens when your rug is perfect, a beautifully woven design of the threads of love, career, family and friends all coming together for one cohesive and strong design.
You only feel numb, stuck and disabled when life is utterly perfect one moment and utterly broken the next.
No one can explain how to deal with this overwhelming emptiness. No one can tell you how to handle too many feelings all at once, how to give in to them without dying under them. No one can tell you what choices to make, for in this position either of the ones you have are not easy.
You are lost and alone, and no once can really help you. You are too tired to fight or be angry. You are too worn out to scream. You are too overwhelmed to move, and you are too broken to cry.
You are lost and no once can help you. No one can ever explain what it is like to be lost in the static abyss, to be faced with choices and yet be choiceness.
There is no solution for this situation, no easy way out. There is no answer or quick fix.
Time will not help you cry the tears that need to fall. It will not give rise to the voice that needs to scream. It will not provide an outlet where anger can dissipate or be expressed. And it will not heal what has simply been broken.
We are stuck or become stuck for many reasons, and more often than not it is love, and yet no matter the cause or occasion we are as helpless as the time before.
God is not directing or purposeful. He is vengeful and cruel. He dangles hope, promise and happiness and snatches it away within a moment of tasting it.
And this numbness, this helpless position, well I think He delights in it for the very reasons above. He creates these situations for us because since humans cannot seem to provide the answers, there is no other choice but seek out the sky. And even then there are no answers. Even then there is just silence.
All that comes is the question, “Why?”